50

Here are a few things I am not planning to do today:

• I will not feel particularly sorry for myself.
• I am not buying a red Porsche. (I always preferred muscle cars over European toys anyway.)
• I am not going out to find an expensive girlfriend.
• I will not run away from home with a girlfriend half my age.
• I am not planning to have a heart attack (of course, one never knows.)
• I will not to start hair replacement therapy (and not just because I don’t need to.)
• I am not going to complain (too much) about my back hurting.

Last but not least: I am not going to grow up. According to an Internet meme I just came across, if you haven’t grown up by age 50, you don’t have to.